Why and How to be an Ally to LGBTQ Mormons
In the LDS Church today, one of the most misunderstood and ignored issues is LGBTQ rights. Occasionally, there are talks on LGBTQ issues, but when the subject comes up, the same things are always said: an overview of church doctrine, encouraging LGBTQ people to remain celibate, and then briefly educating members about how to handle such situations. This last point is both the most important, and yet the most ignored part of such talks. This lack of proper education has lead to misunderstandings among many members. Many members don’t understand not only that it is okay to be an ally to LGBTQ Mormons, but also that you actually should be an ally. The first thing many members need to understand is why they should be allies to the LGBTQ community. The second—and perhaps the more important—thing they need to understand is how to be an ally.
The first reason why church members should be ally’s is simply out of social responsibility. Many members are afraid that allyship would cause them to go against church teachings, which is based on a false assumption. Oxford English Dictionary defines an ally as: “a person or organization that cooperates with or helps another in a particular activity” (Oxford, 2016). In this sense, nothing about being an ally is wrong, immoral, or goes against the church. Cooperating with and helping others is a social obligation everyone should feel, which would lead them to be allies.
We have not only a social responsibility of cooperation and acceptance, but also a moral obligation. LGBTQ people—particularly youth—experience higher rates of suicide, depression, and homelessness than non-LGBTQ individuals. Oftentimes, contributing factors to suicide and depression for LGBTQ individuals can include feelings of social unacceptance, a lack of understanding and empathy from others, and feelings of isolation caused by a lack of support from loved ones. When one makes the decision to be an ally, their support can help eliminate these destructive feelings.
Another moral obligation we have is to help reduce homelessness. Over 50% of the homeless youth in Utah are LGBTQ (Equality, 2016). Think about what that looks like: of all the homeless youth in Utah, about half of them were either kicked out of their home because of their sexual identity, or they chose to leave their home because they felt unsafe or unaccepted by their family. This is in addition to the previously mentioned high rates of depression and suicide, which family pressures may contribute to as well.
Bryce and Sara Cook are members of the church who have two gay sons. While this was difficult for them at first, their experiences have taught them: “we have seen that the gay people who have loving, supportive families are so much happier and more well-adjusted than those whose family members are unkind, judgmental or refuse to acknowledge the gay person’s feelings.... Those families who are openly uncomfortable, judgmental or dismissive of the gay family member tend to make them feel worthless, conflicted and hopeless.” (Gays, 2016).
Obviously, no parent wants to make their child feel worthless, conflicted, or hopeless, yet, making rude or homophobic comments often does just that. Generally, parents will make such comments before learning that their child is LGBTQ, potentially hurting their child for potentially several years prior to this discovery. This is one of many reasons why it is so important for members to try to be understanding and accepting of LGBTQ individuals whether they can relate to them or not. Hopefully one day all families—especially those with LGBTQ individuals—will take Elder Cook’s advice: “as a church nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in…expressing love, compassion and outreach. Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle…” (Gays, 2016). Elder Cook’s statement explains why each of us should be an ally in one word: love. Whether the reason is for the above mentioned social, moral, or family obligations, when a person is an ally, it is out of love. As to how a person is an ally, the answer is the same: through love.
As members of the church, there is a responsibility to love all people. Oftentimes, when members of the church meet an LGBTQ Mormon, they feel a need to immediately say “while I love you, I cannot support what you are doing.” However, LGBTQ Mormons already know what your religious views are on the topic. It does not usually need to be stated. What is not clear, howe
ver, and needs to become more apparent, is the first part of the statement: the “I love you” part. The love part is frequently forgotten, which causes very negative, hurtful, and harmful feelings to many LGBTQ Mormons. The Church's official website on LGBTQ topics states: “there is no change in the Church’s position of what is morally right. But what is changing—and what needs to change—is to help Church members respond sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere.” (Mormons and Gays, 2016). An LGBTQ Mormon already knows the “there is no change in the Church’s position,” now if only that which needs to change, would actually change.
Aside from love, there’s still much more that you can do as a Mormon ally. There are organizations and communities that have activities that you can participate in to increase your involvement, but there are also resources that provide lists of ways in which you can show your support. Three main resources that I would recommend for Mormon allies are Mormons Building Bridges, Affirmation, and USGA. Each organization has different things to offer, so there’s a place for every kind of ally.
Mormons Building Bridges is a group primarily made of faithful Mormon allies who want LGBTQ people to feel loved and a sense of belonging. They fully support the church and its teachings (Mormons Building, 2016). Their website (mormonsbuildingbridges.org) has a page entitled “What you can do,” which lists many ways Mormons can be allies and help “build bridges.”
The second organization is Affirmation (Affirmation.org). This is an organization that has more activities, which appeals to a broader group of LGBTQ Mormons and allies. It has members from a wider range of beliefs from faithful Mormons, to former members, and everything in between. Affirmation has no objective regarding activity in the church, nor a lack thereof; rather, it aims to create a sense of belonging for all people (Affirmation, 2016).
USGA (byuusga.wordpress.com) is geared towards LGBTQ students and allies in the greater Provo area, particularly those at BYU (USGA, 2016). While the organization is designed for that community specifically, their website has an extensive list of more than 20 resources for allies and LGBTQ individuals anywhere. Their website can help ensure that no matter who you are or what your situation is, you can find an organization that will help you show your support in any and every way that fits your lifestyle.
Whether your motive be to lower suicide, depression, or for love of your family, if you’ve found the reason why you should be an ally, then the next step is to delve into some of these resources until you find your how. If a why has not resonated with you yet, then you should check out these resources anyway. They can help resolve any misunderstandings you may have and help you realize why allyship is important for you too.
