Evaluating Fears: Bigotry in Mormon Culture
Here in Utah, few doubt that there’s bigotry in Mormon culture. It surrounds us every day, and even my most active LDS friends see how big the problem is. We all see it, yet somehow nothing is done about it. Church members throughout the country refer to those contributing to this problem as “Utah Mormons.” Today, the biggest source of bigotry I see in Utah Mormon culture is that against the LGBTQ community and LGBTQ rights. If you’re up to date on current church topics, you’re fully aware of how LGBTQ youth homelessness, depression, and suicide are huge problems here in Utah, especially regarding those that are also LDS (if you’re not aware of this, stop reading, search through the other articles in this website, and come back here after).
Much of this website addresses why and how members should be LGBTQ allies, how church culture isn’t LGBTQ friendly, how church leaders and members are not educated on LGBTQ topics, and so on. The problem, however, doesn’t even end at treatment of LGBTQ individuals. In a similar way to how LGBTQ individuals are afraid of others discovering they’re LGBTQ, allies of the LGBTQ community are afraid to be open about their allyship for fear of social and church repercussions. An LGBTQ individual at BYU described his experiences involving member allies by saying: “Having institutionalized super majorities in race, religion, and political ideologies make it very precarious to rock the boat. Even my best, most supportive friends are afraid to admit they're allies for fear of social repercussions.” (USGA, 2015). There are three major fears in regards to why allies are afraid of other members discovering their beliefs. These three major fears are: fear of rejection by ward and local church members, fears of family ties being negatively affected, and the fear of church disciplinary action.
Fears of Ward Rejection
For many, member-allies have a huge fear of facing rejection from their ward for their allyship. When a person experiences widespread rejection from their ward, they have three options: they continue attending a ward that likely makes them feel unwelcome, they stop attending church, or they attend a different ward. Attending your assigned, unaccepting ward is just flat out uncomfortable— and who wants that? But, not going to church at all is a difficult choice for most active members. Why should one person lose the privileges and blessings that come from the sacrament due to another person’s intolerance? Even going to a different ward is difficult, as people will question why, and you can’t even hold callings in a ward that your records aren’t in, making church service far more difficult.
The parents of a good friend of mine are in a very similar situation to this. They have always been very active in the church, and over the past few years have also become LGBTQ allies. They’ve recently become very open about their allyship, and love teaching others of the importance of acceptance. Their ward, however, has given them less than positive feedback on this decision. Many members of their ward treat them as outcasts, and many others treat them as “lost sheep.” They get visits from ward members essentially trying to help them discover the “errors of their ways.” Even their bishopric isn’t supportive of their decisions. This friend’s Mom was asked back in September to give a talk in sacrament meeting. As she was given her topic, she was asked to speak on “the importance of traditional marriage.” Why would a bishop ask a person to talk on this when he knows their feelings on LGBTQ rights, and also knows their son is gay? I went to listen to her talk to show support, and while I was there I noticed none of the other talks that day were even remotely related to marriage, so why was she assigned that? In addition, the bishop even placed a tape recorder on the podium in the chapel as her talk was beginning— only during her talk. Each of these things created a doubtlessly hostile environment. This was a pretty shameful act for a bishop. The rejection an ally can face in their ward is real, and demonstrates just how far Utah culture is rooted in bigotry. Now, each of you ask yourselves, is this behavior acceptable in any ward? Is there ever a reason for a bishop to make members feel unwanted, or members to isolate or disrespect other members? Regardless, that is what is happening.
Family Fears
It’s heartbreaking to discover how many family relationships are destroyed due to a family member being LGBTQ. We see this all the time— youth being kicked out of their homes, parents and siblings disowning their child or sibling for being in a same sex relationship or marriage, and so on. It’s difficult to understand why a person would allow religious differences to end a family relationship that was once held so dear. Even more surprising is to discover when family relationships are affected in similar ways due to a family member simply believing in LGBTQ rights and equality. How can family member(s) be so intolerant that they let another family member’s allyship destroy an important relationship in their life? Despite how difficult this can be for most of us to imagine, it’s reality for all too many. The church teaches the importance of the family, and yet the culture within church membership portrays that religious and political viewpoints are more important than family ties. It would seem as if this is how many members of the church feel about their religious preferences, which is such a sad truth to realize.
Since coming out, there have been multiple people in my family that have expressed these very same fears. Two of my cousins have come out to me as bisexual, but are terrified of our family finding out, so they stay closeted. One of these cousins is not only afraid to come out, but is also afraid to even demonstrate acceptance and allyship due to potential family rejection. Another family member of mine is a straight ally, but is terrified that it would potentially destroy her marriage, her relationship with her daughters husband, and ruin the relationship that she has with the majority of her siblings. I find it hard to imagine how members of a family, that appear so loving, can also be so intolerant that other family members fear full on rejection for such simple differences in opinions. Yet this is the life that many people live, constant fear of rejection just because they simply believe in granting all individuals the same rights that they enjoy today.
Church Discipline Fears
LGBTQ allyship has been very controversial in the church to the point that many have even suffered from church disciplinary action just for being allies. These disciplinary actions can range from losing a temple recommend, being disfellowshipped, or even as far as even being excommunicated. The reason for such discipline is found in the temple recommend interview question number seven, which asks: “Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?” (Temple, 2016). This question is phrased with such ambiguity, that much is left to personal interpretation by the interviewee and the interviewer. Many members supported gay marriage being legalized in the United States before the Supreme Court declared it legal. During this time, some believed this in itself was sufficient for one to answer this question as “Yes.”
Looking at the reasons many may have supported the legalization of same-sex marriage makes it difficult to believe the result should be the loss of a temple recommend. Many were still opposed to it as far as religious beliefs are concerned, but realized that the government should not dictate personal choices based solely on religious beliefs. The church declared in 2015 that a person could support the legalization of gay marriage without the loss of a temple recommend or facing other church disciplinary action. That being said, it’s still a fear for many due to how severe the repercussions were for this just barely a year ago. In addition to this, the extent to following this policy (as with any policy) is largely up to local church leadership, considering if a bishop decides to not sign a temple recommend due to this, there’s still little anyone can do, even if the church is officially against his decision. Inconsistency in the policies of the church here, as well as inconsistency in these newer policies being enforced due to local leaders makes it difficult for members of the church to express their opinions, even in areas that they should have every right to do so.
Conclusion
Whether a person is experiencing rejection from their local ward, losing their relationships with family members, or facing church disciplinary action of any form for being an ally to the LGBTQ community, it is unacceptable. Yet, if you talk to allies in the church you would find out how frequently each of these things happen, and how many more people are “closet” allies due to the fear of each of these things. As I have seen different individuals I know experience such hard truths, and others have valid reasons to fear them, I can’t help but to ask myself, what is the difference between this culture and any other form of bullying? That’s exactly what’s happening here. There has been a mentality set up with church culture, particularly here in Utah, that has enabled the mass membership of the church to bully those that don’t agree with them to the point that many feel either forced to leave or they just hide their feelings, pretending to be someone that they’re not. Even more important than whether a person believes it’s okay for another person to be an ally, is how important it is for a person to feel safe expressing such opinions in what is supposed to be the most loving environments we can find, such as a person’s home ward, church, or their family. So, why members are allowing what should be the greatest sources of spiritual nurturing a person has become malicious environments filled with fear of rejection is beyond me. Hopefully, there will be some changes in family cultures, church cultures, and among allies having to fear church discipline. My hope is that all church members will be able to one day feel safe about expressing their true opinions and feelings, without fears of wrongful repercussions.
Additional Tips onBeing an Ally:
This is my “LGBTQ ally resource announcement” for members of the LDS church. Its purpose is to show how you, as a heterosexual Mormon, can demonstrate your allyship. The principles apply to you as well even if you’re not Mormon, and even though the links are generally speaking geared towards a Mormon audience, the principles and its significance are the same regardless. The other purpose is to end the all too common discrimination that happens to many LGBTQ individuals in the Mormon church, and even has a quote from the church’s official website stating how that very same discrimination has to change.
The first link is the LDS Church’s official website regarding LGBTQ issues. It gives the church’s official stance on the treatment of LGBTQ individuals. The second link is a group for LGBTQ Mormons, their friends, family, and other allies. This is my favorite LGBTQ affiliated group, and between the website and the events the group holds, you can discover the importance of your role as an ally. The last link is geared towards faithful Mormons that just want to make the world a safe place for all LGBTQ people, including those in the church.
The most important part of the PSA is the picture on the right. Most people don’t understand the difference an ally mentality makes in many lives. When an LGBTQ person is struggling and hurting due to either their identity or the rejection it causes in their lives, the first thing they need is a friend. So many LGBTQ youth suicides could be avoided if they had friends and family that loved and supported them no matter what. My hope is that all of you take this picture and make it one of the symbols in your life for what you stand for.
